The inaugural XFL season is almost here, and we have been blessed with new team names and logos! Upon the unveiling, XFL Commissioner Oliver Luck reminded us that these team names are ONLY about fun and football. So don’t look for a deeper, potentially subversive meaning here, folks! Here’s how they stack up:

1. Seattle Dragons

This is obviously the best logo out of the XFL teams and probably the best logo ever made. The bright green and blue color scheme borrowed from the Seahawks actually makes sense on a green dragon. Bright orange/red with the neon green brings the fire-breath heat and makes this team seem dangerous! Everyone loves dragons after the whole Game of Thrones thing. Makes me wish all the teams had cool Dungeons & Dragons-inspired names. Can’t wait to load up on Dragons merch. Diehard fan.

2. New York Guardians

This is cool because it reminds me of Aladdin, where the secret treasure chamber is guarded by some kind of sabertooth cat that eats Jazeem in the opening chapter. Love the silver/red combo and the sabertooth cat is always an awesome team logo. Hopefully they’ll also borrow the “First down! RAWWWRRR!!” cat noise from the San Jose Sabercats) . Interesting use of negative space inside the cat’s face and mouth. NY Guardians will probably be better than the Giants, so that’s fun too.

3. Dallas Renegades

Love the Carolina Blue and the scary red eyes of this desperado. Actually, ‘Desperados’ might have been a cooler name but what’s here is great. I’m feeling the Western vibe all over this scary masked man’s head. The bandana over his face means that this guy means business and probably doesn’t want to be recognized because he’s a criminal or a wanted man of some kind. He also doesn’t want dust to fly into his nose and mouth. Hopefully the team is good.

4. St. Louis Battle Hawks

This gives me kind of a Voltron feeling. I like the retro feel of the name (it’s fun that it is two words) and logo, hopefully they have a good offense and people start making ‘high-flying Battle Hawks’ references. I guess the name is a reference to some old plane so that’s great too.

5. DC Defenders

This has a very militaristic look, which is appropriate for the U.S. center of power, D.C. The use of the bright red color and military shield crest gives the team an aura of authority and power that would be a shame to squander with embarrassing play. Need to see the uniforms to really feel this too much.

6. Houston Roughnecks

There’s not a lot of creativity happening here. This is basically the Oilers logo with the Texans color scheme and a star like the Astros use. I don’t have high hopes for the uniforms. But, “Roughnecks” is a fun name. You can just imagine however many XFL fans in Houston chanting , “LET’S GO NECKS!” Can’t wait.

7. LA Wildcats

Wow, this sucks. Only amazing Wildcat uniforms can pull this one out of the dumpster.

8. Tampa Bay Vipers

At first, I totally hated this. Now, it’s still awful but maybe “LA Wildcats” is worse. “Vipers” as a name is not great, and what is up with this “V” logo, I guess those are supposed to be yellow fangs, but I think it doesn’t look enough like a snake. This should be an alternate logo and there should be a cool snake thing as the primary.

Maybe they will have a hissing sound after first downs. That would be awful.